tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
