Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
