i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
