thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
