yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
