im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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