Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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