24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
