why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
