Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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