I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
