So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want nice things and good sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
