I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
