Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
