Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
