We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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