That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
