girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
