he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
