I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are a genius and a whore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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