I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
