Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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