Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
