I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
