i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
