i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
