So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
