My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
