You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
