We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
