first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
