thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Even my vagina gasped.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
