see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
