So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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