dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
