When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
