Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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