He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
