Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
