I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
