I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
