You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
