i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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