yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
