He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
