i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
