That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i out mim tonsoeep
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