Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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