Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
