I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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